Are You the 1%....Who Thought Kim Kardashian's Marriage Would Last?



Kim K (thinking): I laugh cause we all know you're an idiot


Kris H (thinking): I'm ignoring you and your dumb laugh


Kim K (thinking): God, I'm so glad I found someone dumber than me.


Kris H (thinking): Thank GOD I'm getting paid to pretend to like her; its a full time damn job likin her ass.


Kim K (thinking): ::sigh:: I'm gonna make $20 million to pretend this is real. Just another day at work.




So lets take a tally of the 7 billion people on the Earth who though this shit show was going to last more than a year.

::cricket chirp::cricket chirp::

You don't have to raise your hands, but you should probably go kill yourself.

As I'm sure you all already know, Kim Kardashian and her 7ft retard are getting a divorce. Surprise? Nah. A part of me wants to think she really does want to get married...

Kim K (whining): But the fat orangutan got married. Why can't I?



...but the bigger part of me knows it was all for attention, fame and money. Mainly because Lindsey Lohan was invited; no one really invites her anywhere to do anything.

She's a has-been.

But anyway, I think we all saw this coming. Shit was just too freaky. How'd she find the biggest (literally and figuratively) nobody in the universe and marry his ass after knowing him for all of 5 months? My favorite part is that E!online issued a statement saying they were shocked and surprised. Really? The whole network was surprised that this ridiculousness came to an end? This is the same woman who, because all the camera crew couldn't fit to tape the wedding, un-invited people. How do you un-ivite someone to a wedding? Who does that?

Here are some hints that this shit was doomed from the word "Fuck":

A) Umm...Kris who? (Thought shared by everyone who reads gossip and the whole Kardashian Family)
B) Ooooooohhhhhh...he benchwarms for a shitty team and gets paid 8 million to do so (He's the 1%)
C) She has her whole "life" video taped for all to see but wanted privacy as a newlywed.
D) Her family turned down his idea to have burgers at the wedding reception (because it wasn't classy), but had an ignorant ass Swarvoski crystal cross at the wedding cause that's not over doing it.
E) The channel E! was around video tapping the whole.fucking.thing.
F) They did know each other for 5 months. Nothing says "I love you enough to marry you" like dating for 5 months.
G) They lived in completely different parts of the country and on completely different levels of intellect (yes, there are different levels of retardation.)

This list can go on and on really. The minute they got engaged, everyone looked to their left and looked to their right and asked their partner, "How long is this mess gonna last. Forever?! Wanna bet?"

At the end of the day, we all know this was a sham. Kris, in my opinion, seems to be genuinely a lil miffed, however we all know Kim doesn't give a damn. She'd do anything for money and to stay relevant. This may all seem like words from a hater (cause they are) but when you see some shit that looks fucked up, aren't you going to address it and say to yourself,

"This is some shit that looks fucked up"

The Shatner knows what the fuck I'm talkin about.

I'm almost positive that Kim's 'Fairytale Divorce' isn't going to proceed this shit, as there is a prenuptial agreement and it isn't dramatic enough to put on tv. A prenup right there is enough to make you wonder about a couple getting married. So lets see, Kim has already released a sex tape, posed nude several times, put out a single that people almost died listening to because it was so awful, designed a slut line for Sears (cause we know Kim is clippin Sears coupons on her days off), she's about to act in a movie by Tyler Perry (whom I just lost some respect for) and she got married and divorced at the same time. What else can she possibly do? She could get pregnant but I have a feeling that that is left for that special moment when her 15-minutes-of-fame clock touches around 14:58

The Warhol knows what the fuck I'm talkin about (mostly cause he said it originally. I just stole it)

Good To Go

 "White boy with an attitude..."

"Good to go, good to go,

good to go, good to go,

Fresh kicks, all day,

new fits, alright,

Drop hits, all day,

then party, all night"

Just In Time

Just as I was starting to give in to the idea that that feeling in my gut wasn't infact gas but lonliness, something awesome and kinda cute happened.

On Friday I decided to ditch work (thanks to me not giving a fuck and some peer pressure) and go out for alcohol and food with a friend. Just as we sat down, she brings up that she and her boyfriend of forever had a really big fight (again) and that she didn't want to sit around all day crying. I asked her what were they fighting about and before she went into her story, she bust out in to:

"...I know you hate talking about relationships..."

Not that this is even the point of the story, but I don't mind talking about relationships. I only mind when a person (most likely a girl) talks about their significant other like that person is the only reason to live. That's annoying. That will make me give you side-eye action and pray that you see the twinkle of attitude.

Anyway, my friend tells me about her relationship woes and I listen, giving her advice when and where I can. At this point, I may have or may have not mentioned the ex Boy. I'd been thinking about him so much and how we ended things a while ago. I'd been so sick of him not being sweet with me that I just ended it. I cried a little, then moved on only thinking of him here and there. Over the past few weeks though, I'd been thinking of him a lot. I received an email from him from months ago that I never responded too because it was hidden in a spam-type folder on Facebook. It was a video clip from youtube that reminded us both of our first date and how much I missed him.

We each responded to the email and it was left at that. While my friend was talking about her relationship troubles, I got a text messege from none other than the boy!

It went something along the lines of:

"I've been thinking of you a little. Not sure if you're interested but I'd like to buy you a drink tonight..."

Instead of responding right away like I wanted, I left it hanging in the air and went back to being an ear for my friend.

After lunch, I got in the car and decided to respond to the text with a simple:

"duh, I'd love to."

We met out and had a good time. We talked about what we had been up to since we last saw each other. It seemed a little bit different from the previous times we spent time together but it could be all in my head. We went back to his house and ended up falling sleep.

It was weird how we were both thinking of each other at the same time. I had intended on making contact first but I got to it before I did. I don't know what going to happen from this point, but it was good to reconnect. I hope things are a little different this time around. I honestly enjoy the time I spend with him and look forward to doing things together (if we ever find time). I'm just glad that we'er speaking to each other.

As for my friend, my advice is for her to break up with her boyfriend. She's 22 and has been with this guy for 6 years. She needs to let go and find out who she is without someone to worry about. Its easy to get lost in a relationship but its important to remember that life goes on if/when that person leaves you. If you don't know who you are without them, you'll be lost. Ultimately its her decision, but she's too young (in my opinion) to continue in a relationship where she's unhappy. She's wasting time loving being in a relationship and not loving herself.

But ultimately, it is her decision.

Is That a Gut Feeling...Or Gas?

Gah, my evaluation from work is coming up and I find out if I get to stay a lil while longer or if I get the axe. I have a feeling my boss will choose the former.

I don't know why she would, because I've had a slight incident at work with a kid that I wish didn't exist. Since then, I've been to work ON TIME, called out only once because I was genuinely ill and had no other complaints (that I know of). I hope the one run-in I had with my boss doesn't effect my evaluation.

I start my volunteer work tomorrow at the Family Tree. I decided to volunteer to give myself something to do. I'm so bored and on empty. Work, for a while there, drained me so much. The kids were just acting up so bad that I would come home physicaly, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I've been sleeping a lot lately because I'm just tired. A vacation would be awesome but I don't have any time just yet. At the Family Tree, I'll be doing paper work and NOT dealing with children or teaching parenting classes. I want something a little more relaxing. I hope that I can just sit at a desk and do work and not have to get up and curse people out. Gah.

I've also been getting into contact with people in the Criminal Justice programs at Towson and University of Baltimore. I'd really like to get my MS in Criminal Justice but I can still get into the field with a MS in Social Work (which I don't want to do. Its dumb.).

I have a lot of things going on to keep me busy and stressed out. The busier I am the better though.

The Heart of the Matter

"Holding a Grudge Is Letting Someone

Live Rent-Free in Your Head"

Truer words haven't been spoken!

Its funny, forgiveness is. We often times find things so reprehensible that a simple 'I'm sorry' isn't acceptable. What hurts one person, can seem petty to another. How much can someone apologize until the pain is gone? What can a person do to make it better, after having literally hurt your feelings to the core? On the opposite end, how do you let go of a grudge and when is it time to let go?

I have been thinking about grudges and letting go of things. I recently saw Sex and the City movie for the 800th time and the messege I always take away is the messege of forgiveness. It was so hard for Carrie to forgive Big after being stood up at the alter; harder for Charlotte. It was also hard for Miranda to accept Steve's apology. At the end of the movie, everyone made up and moved on, but forgiveness isnt' always like the movies.

Last night, while keeping the messege in mind, I read an article called The Power of Forgiveness in Ebony Magazine. The author talks about how she kicked a grudge and how she needed to understand betrayal in order to understand forgiveness. The article was inspiring because it comes at a time where I'm in the process of letting go of a grudge. The process is far harder than I thought it'd be.

I had a friend that I shared a dream of mine with, and it seemed like as soon as the words exited my mouth, she was off making my dream come true. I can't say how hurt I was that she took my idea, a dream I'd had for months, and carried them out the exact way I'd drawn them out in my mind. After paying her a visit, I couldn't stop thinking of the knife that was carved in my back. Was this jealousy? Perhaps. Was it the fact that my back ached so damn bad from the knife she planted? Perhaps.

I haven't talked to my friend since I last saw her; I have eliminated her from every aspect of my life. She hasn't tried to contact me either, which shows that she doesn't care too much about keeping contact with me either. Or maybe she does and doesn't know how to reach out. There are a million and one reasons why she hasn't tried to get a hold of me.

The grudge I hold against her for stealing my dream, at one point, had a pretty good hold on me. I cried several times over the matter not realizing how mad I actually was. Since having aired my problem to someone who'd listen and remain objective, I felt better but still held a grudge. These days, I'm moving on to the next phases of life, and I don't want to drag on this baggage. So where do I begin with letting go? The journey begins.

The first step I know I have to make is the inner journey. I have to find and then understand, how I feel and why I feel that way. All situations are two-sided and placing all blame on another isn't going to move this process along. I'm more insightful than most, I feel, so this part of the process won't be hard. The reaching out process is what I fear. I don't want to come off like I am attacking her, so I need to find a way to express myself without seeming like this is all completely, 100% her fault and the reason why we don't speak. The inner journey process should also include preparing for the fact that she might not even give a damn about how I feel. Letting go of the grudge is turning out to be a little harder than I thought.

I'm not expecting some big deal to come out of all of this. I may get nothing back from her, I may be pleasantly surprised. I'm not sure I want to be her friend anymore, but I want to get rid of the mountain on my shoulders, so that I can move on, not to necessarily re-start our friendship. As I want to let go of the grudge, I also want her to forgive me. I want her to understand that I am sorry our friendship fell apart and that it had to come to this before I could say something.

Holding a grudge is painful on the inside; an emotion that can be stong and overwhelming, much like loniless or sadness. Its just as hard to overcome and can consume someone physically, mentally and emotionally. Regardless of the outcome, I can at least be pleased that I tried, reached out and attempted to let go of the baggage. 

Besides, the only baggage anyone should carry is Louis Vuitton.





I Can't EVEN Begin To Tell You How Awful Shit Has Gotten

My positive and awesome outlook on life (that lasted all of two minutes) has been broken into a million little pieces.

Yesterday, Friday, was so awful that rehashing it just makes me want to cry all over again. Work was absolutely awful; all the children were at their worse. The cherry on top of all this? I ended things with the boy. I just got so sick of his shit. He didn't care about what was bothering me because he never asked. He also didn't care all that much that I was upset. That wasn't ok with me. He didn't really "like" me and the lack of support I got from him on my worse day of work just showed how much I need him to not exist to me.

I cried for a little while and was moody when I woke up this morning.;I felt a small sense of emptiness. It was mostly residue from yesterday's shift. I was a little sad about the boy. I'm bummed that I'm not "with" this kid but I'm sure I'll get over it. I'm tired of settling for less and dating guys that just don't care. So when it happens and I'm left alone again, its not so bad. I didn't waste too much time with this asshole so its not a true loss.

Tomorrow, I'll be able to bitch to my Tacy about my work and love woes. I'll drown myself in work again and dream about Jared Followill to help forget that I'm lonely.

The job fair was a bust; no good employers showed up and I didn't want work at many of the ones that did. I'm desperate but damn I wanna get a job doing something better, not get a job JUST to leave my current position. The interview with The Family Tree went well and I'm going back on Tuesday for a more in depth interview. It'll be good to do some other type of work while doing the shitty job I do. Even though its just a volunteer position, its good to do something else for a change.

Tuesday will be busy. I intend on looking for a job again, opening up a checking account with my credit union and looking for some more college programs to apply to. I really want to go back for criminal justice but I want to talk to someone from the program before I do any applying.

Back to being busy I go.

I'm a Good Kinda Busy

I thought I would take a few minutes to write just because I haven't done it in a while and I'm surprisingly in a good mood.

Tomorrow I'm going to a job fair to look for a new job. I'm hoping I can find at least two or three places that look good. Usually job fairs end in nothing and I come out bummed, but I'm going into this job fair with a new outlook. I have an outfit picked out, my resume has been printed and I'm feeling, all around, pretty damn good about the whole thing. Before I can go to the job fair, I have a meeting with a woman from The Family Tree about volunteer stuffs. I wanted to do something that I can add to my resume so I'm looking into doing some volunteering. I think I really would like to be a Court Appointed Special Advocate that way I can get experience in being in a court room and testifying on behalf of someone else, while using my degree to counsel and mentor.

After seeing the career counselor, I have decided to return to school (Towson University) to major in Criminal Justice (like I shoulda to begin with. Always trust your guts kids, always trust your guts.). I would really like to have a career with the FBI being an analyst so I'll see what this new degree will get me. I feel like I should go ahead and get a Master's degree, but I don't think I want to do social work anymore. Its just nothing something I'm passionate about.

There's isn't a whole lot more going on. Well there is but this is what I am currently working with. Next week, I'm going to call around to Towson Town Center and see if their hiring for X-Mas. I think I want to work part time for the Christmas holiday; I miss it. God, I never thought I'd say that. Ok, off to bed I go because I have a FULL day tomorrow. After the meeting is the job fair, after the job fair is work after work is time with the boy. Saturday I'm sleeping in and setting up the rest of my week, then Sunday after work I'll be spending time with the lovely Ms. Alyson Tacy (@alysontacy).

::loud sigh:: I'm in a good space. Finally.

The Worse Part of a Good Evening

Its 5:17am and I've just had a totally necessary, totally amazing night with a coworker and his wife and friends and I end up feeling like total shit.

I went out with a coworker and his wife and friends, dancing and drinking and having a damn good time. I didn't mind the fact that all his friends were couples because they didn't treat me like a single; they included me in drinks and dancing. I danced my ass off and had a great time. I almost dreaded the time that the night came to an end because I knew how I'd feel afterwards.

I've never written during a drunken state and reading this later, I'll understand. The pain is too much to cope with drunk and I don't know how I'll handle this sober. I feel so alone and lonely. I'm at that point in my drunkenness that I'm re-reading and re-spelling everything to make sure its understandable, but I'm also feeling the most pain. I hate after a good, drunken evening, coming home, alone to no one. Alls I wanna do now is sleep next to someone, even if its a good friend, as to not remind me of how lonely I am on the inside. As I write this blog, I dread and can't look forward enough, to going to bed but I absolutly do NOT want to go there alone.

I'm going to go lay down now, and then fall asleep. The time between actually laying down and falling asleep is so hard to deal with. At the most, I want what the others have: someone to lay next to. But I'm alone, thus falling asleep with not a broken heart but a sad one.

Alcohol is amazing, huh?